We hear a lot about emotional intelligence, also called "EQ." First, why is it called EQ? It stands for Emotional Quotient, similar to how IQ measures intelligence (aka "Intelligence Quotient"). But unlike IQ, EQ isn't about how much you know. It's about how well you understand emotions - yours and others - and use that understanding to work better with people.

You might also hear EQ called a "soft skill," but there's nothing "soft" about dealing with workplace emotions. Knowing how to proactively communicate, and effectively handle stress or a tense moment, is just as important as knowing how to run a report. And in many cases, it’s what makes the difference between a team that works well together and one that’s constantly at odds (the kind that refuses to communicate other than email, airs their grievances in front of customers and colleagues, and seems to spend more time complaining about each other than working). Using EQ, a manager can help turn the latter into the former.

Click below to watch a roleplay of a manager explaining this to a team, and keep reading for practical tips and examples of how to apply emotional intelligence at work.

How Teams Work Together

Emotional intelligence comes down to three things: how you interpret others' emotions, how you come across to others, and how you regulate your own emotions. Each one plays a huge role in how work actually gets done.

How You Interpret Others' Emotions

Ever had a coworker snap at you out of nowhere? Maybe they’re just rude, or maybe they’re under pressure you don’t see - tight deadlines, unclear expectations or stress from their own leadership. They might not fully understand your role or the challenges you’re juggling, leading them to be frustrated that you can't get them what they need. Emotional intelligence helps you, instead of just snapping back, effectively reset the situation.

Practical Tip: When someone’s response feels off, try a quick mental reset before reacting. Count to three and take a deep breath, then ask yourself, What else could be going on here? This brief pause helps shift your mindset from personal frustration to curiosity, making it easier to approach the situation with understanding.

Practical Example: A team member is short with you in a meeting. Instead of taking it personally, you check in afterward: Hey, you seemed a little off in that meeting. Everything okay? They explain they’re dealing with a personal issue and didn’t mean to be rude. You reassure them that "real life" doesn’t stop at work and they don’t ever have to share details that they're not comfortable sharing, but if they ever need a little "grace and space," they can let you know. Instead of assuming the worst, you’ve built trust and strengthened your working relationship.

How You Come Across to Others

Just like you read others, they’re reading you. You may think you're coming off as “direct,” but your team might feel like you're frustrated or impatient. Your tone, facial expressions and body language all send messages, whether you intend them to or not.

Practical Tip: Ask your team, “What do you wish more people understood about your role and work?” Be open to hearing that certain tasks take longer than they appear, or that things others take for granted - like talking to others - can feel intimidating. Understanding their perspective helps you communicate more effectively and offer the right support.

Practical Example: A team member presents a report to senior leaders but stumbles through it. Embarrassed, you cut them off and take over. Later, they tell you they felt uncomfortable and nervous speaking in front of leadership. You remember what it was like the first time you had to present to senior leaders -  from being nervous before the presentation to the pressure and fear of saying the wrong thing.
Instead of letting this happen again, you act: you talk to your whole team about how to present effectively in different situations, hold practice sessions to build confidence, and talk to senior leaders about what you realized and how it was a lesson for all leaders: that your and their reactions - whether it’s rushing someone or asking pointed questions - can feel like criticism rather than genuinely trying to understand. You encourage them to be mindful and give people the space to grow. With the right support, your teams no longer stress about presentations. They gain confidence and communication skills, which was your goal the whole time.

How You Regulate Your Own Emotions

Emotional intelligence isn’t just about how you interact with others - it impacts how you work and live. When frustration builds at work (from interactions to a seemingly-impossible workload), it doesn’t just disappear at the end of your day. If you’ve ever had a sleepless night because your mind wouldn’t shut off, you know how hard it can be to shake those lingering thoughts. Learning to manage your reactions (and regulate your emotions) not only improves work relationships and results, but also helps you avoid carrying work stress into the rest of your life.

Practical Tip: A simple way to reset in the moment? Try the 4-7-8 breathing technique: inhale for four seconds, hold for seven and exhale for eight. You can use this before you fire off a response. And you can shorten it in you're mid-conversation and a 19-second pause could feel like a sitcom cliffhanger. This exercise helps calm your nervous system, giving you a moment to pause and respond thoughtfully instead of reacting emotionally. It’s a small shift that can make a big difference in how you handle challenges - both at work and beyond.

Practical example: You get an email that rubs you the wrong way. Instead of firing off a response immediately, you take a breath and ask yourself, What might they have going on, and how would I want this handled if I were them? Maybe you respond with a question instead of a defensive reaction, or you step away and come back to it later. Either way, you’re controlling your response instead of letting your emotions control you.

Emotional intelligence isn’t just a leadership skill - it’s a life skill. Whether you’re a manager or not, how you handle situations at work (and in life) shapes how people experience working with you. People won’t remember every project or email, but they will remember how work got done - how they felt in meetings, how problems were handled and whether they felt heard and valued. And for those who wish we could "keep emotions out of it": when work gets done with EQ, it doesn’t just feel better - it gets better results.

Additional Resources

To see it explained in action, watch the the manager replay video above, where I'm a manager explaining emotional intelligence to my team - what it actually means at work and how to use it. 

If you want more resources, check out our Employee Success Course. It covers practical ways to communicate effectively, take ownership of your career, and handle workplace challenges. You can get it for yourself or even gift it to someone else: https://courses.managermethod.com/employee-success We also offer packages for organizations to roll out the training, and run multiple employee cohort sessions to make it actionable.

And if you're leading a team and want to level up your management skills, Manager 101 has you covered with real-world strategies for handling tough situations: https://courses.managermethod.com/manager-101

Emotional intelligence isn’t about being perfect - it’s about being aware. And you don't need any specific title to leverage it. The more you pay attention to how emotions impact work, the better your relationships, communication and overall work experience will be.