You’ve probably heard it — or felt it.

“She’s always leaving early for kid stuff.”

“I wish I could take off like that for my life.”

“Is my gym class not as important as their baseball practice?”

Workplace resentment doesn’t always show up as yelling or direct conflict. Sometimes it shows up as a quiet (but simmering) divide — parents on one side, non-parents on the other — each feeling like the other gets a better deal. And that’s a problem.

Here’s the thing: everyone has a life. Everyone has needs. And when someone else gets time off, flexibility or support for something that matters to them, it can feel like a slight, even if it’s not. Especially when the workplace norm is that you have to “earn” flexibility over time, or be lucky to be on a team with a manager who “gets it.”

But it doesn’t have to be like this, and certainly not Parents vs. Non-Parents.

Everyone Deserves Time Off

Whether it’s daycare pickup, a workout class, caring for a sick parent or simply needing a break — everyone’s life outside of work deserves respect. As a manager, it’s your job to normalize that. Time off isn’t a reward for certain types of life choices. It’s a human need.

And here’s something that often goes unsaid: many employees are afraid to ask, or share why they need time off. Afraid it will make them look less committed. That others on the team will resent or judge them. And for non-parents, that can be a fear that their needs don’t count because they’re not parenting a child.

This also includes being mindful of those facing fertility struggles or who’ve experienced the unimaginable, like the loss of a child — even well-meaning comments or assumptions can unintentionally cause pain.

That’s where you come in.

Say the Quiet Part Out Loud

If you want your team (everyone on your team) to trust you, be proactive. Let them know that you expect people to take time off — and that everyone’s reasons are valid. Be clear that time off might look different for different people, and that it's okay. Support will sometimes mean adjusting workloads, shifting timelines, or understanding that not everything will get done right away. That’s not a failure or lack of commitment — that’s real life.

You could say:

“We all have lives outside of work — and I want you to take time when you need it. That might mean we shift some things or pitch in for each other sometimes, but I’d rather we do that than have anyone burn out or feel like they can't take time off because their reason isn't good enough.”

Support People in Different Seasons

Life is full of different "seasons." Some seasons are full of end-of-year field day sign-ups, graduation ceremonies, and scrambling for childcare on half-day dismissals — while others are focused on elder care, household flooding or navigating a tough personal situation. The most supportive - and effective - teams understand that life comes in waves, and what someone needs this month might look totally different by next quarter. Needs shift — and that’s normal.

As a manager, you set the tone. When you show empathy, flexibility when possible, and make space for people to share what they need without judgment, it helps the rest of the team to do the same.

And just to be clear — this isn’t about giving anyone special treatment. It’s about fair treatment. "Fairness" means we sometimes adjust things so people can get work done and also show up in their lives, even if it doesn’t look the same for everyone.

Now, if you ever find yourself thinking, “Okay, this is getting tough on the rest of the team” — that’s fair, too. When time away starts to feel like it’s stretching the team too thin, it’s time to pause and bring in HR. Ask what support options are available, like leave, backup resources, or other ways to take care of the person and the team. It's not being the bad guy — it's being a thoughtful leader and asking "what can we do?" (instead of "what do we have to do?"). Just make sure you're treating team members with the same fairness, not giving preference to one more than the other.

A Team That Talks About It, Deals With It

The awkwardness and resentment can build when no one talks about it. You can have the conversation. Acknowledge that people have different needs and that your goal is to make sure everyone feels like theirs are being met — even if it looks a little different in practice.

And when someone is feeling frustrated (like in this week's roleplay video)? Listen. It doesn’t mean they’re wrong — it means they have real human emotions, and may need guidance on what to do. Use it as a moment to connect, not correct.